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Halloween Cancelled due to Clowns

In lieu of recent events across the United States of America, world leaders have declared that Halloween across the globe has been cancelled and instead moved to December, in the hopes that the recent common Clown antics will have ceased to happen in America. Clowns have been seen staring into windows, following people, threatening schools, and robbing hotels, so in order to protect the humans of the world, ...

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OFFICIAL: Justin Bieber Joins the Church of Scientology

Controversy Sparks After Justin Bieber Joins the Church of Scientology Justin Bieber joins the Church of Scientology secretly. The press has managed to get a hold of this controversial decision after someone closed to the artist revealed February 4th Miami, Florida – There were rumors that Justin Bieber has joined the Church of Scientology, which some believe were confirmed. Last weekend, Justin Beiber, the ...

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Society “Stalled”

The country was plunged into turmoil earlier this year with the announcement that Target stores will begin to allow people to use the restroom of the gender that they most identify with. Never before has where a person chooses to take a dump become such a hot button issue. One thing that this policy pointed out is that apparently there are many Americans who believe that public bathrooms are a very sexual p ...

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Local woman flabergasted that local man won’t pay for child support

Traquisha Phillips-35  told our reporter she is "flabergasted" that her husband of three years denies to pay for child support on the basis that since he lived with them her 5 year old became really attached to  Devon-40 , "He became his father, in all order, DNA doesn't play a role here, since this kid identifies himself as his son". Devon declared that since the child is not his biological son, a court of ...

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Mountain Dew and Other Companies Go Bankrupt

Since the Truthful Labeling Act was passed, Mountain Dew, Lucky Charms and Froot Loops has increasingly lost money. Since companies were forced to put the true ingredients on the front of their labels, people quit buy these products. Apparently, when the label says "chock full of poison that WILL cause cancer", no one wants the product. Pepsico says that they are mystified why one of their top sellers has n ...

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Mandatory ALL franchise Starbucks Coffee infused with Pumpkin. Pumpkin Spice is the New Black

Fall has landed and with it comes the arrival of everyone’s favorite autumnal treat, the Pumpkin Spice Latte. But wait, there’s more. This year Starbucks has decided to infuse all of their menu items with the fabled Pumpkin Spice. “People have taking such a liking to the PSL, that we felt we were not doing enough to satisfy that craving,” a spokesperson for Starbucks commented yesterday. So if your coffee t ...

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Trump taxes released, revealing secret history of charitable donation and low salary

Reporters were shocked today as Donald trump stood in front of a packed boardroom and finally gave the people what they were looking for. "Today, I finally buckle to media pressure, and have made my tax returns public for every to see." A roar of applause  went up from the crowd as a slideshow appeared on a screen above the press and a large print document came into view. There was a muffled gasp, and a smi ...

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1 Dead, 3 Injured in shooting when Pokemon Go gym battle turned violent.

In a startling turn of events Thursday, a battle for control of a Pokemon Go gym in Los Angeles turned shockingly violent when one player drew a pistol and shot the other four players vying for control of the virtual gym. The shooter, whose name is being withheld, is being searched for by the police, said Officer Michelle Ortiz. One player was pronounced dead at the scene, and the other three players were t ...

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