Mandatory ALL franchise Starbucks Coffee infused with Pumpkin. Pumpkin Spice is the New Black
Fall has landed and with it comes the arrival of everyone’s favorite autumnal treat, the Pumpkin Spice Latte. But wait, there’s more. This year Starbucks has decided to infuse all of their menu items with the fabled Pumpkin Spice. “People have taking such a liking to the PSL, that we felt we were not doing enough to satisfy that craving,” a spokesperson for Starbucks commented yesterday.
So if your coffee this morning tasted more like a warm, autumn day rather that the harsh tasting, life giving liquid as usual that is why. Reactions to this menu change have ranged from pleasantly surprised, to strangely confused, all the way to downright vicious.
“I think this is a great change. It reminds me of my picking pumpkins as a child. It just transports me to a better time. I mean really my favorite things about fall….” a woman wearing a homemade sweater with obviously unwashed hair droned on for quite some time.
A gentleman leaving a Starbucks caused an incident when he stopped for his morning coffee and upon first tasting the new flavor, spit it out, directly onto a mother and her small child. The early morning brawl only ended when the man ran away screaming while the child threw crayons at him.
Jerry Sandbacher, 67, had quite a bit to say on the topic. “They are literally shoving Pumpkin Spice down our throats. What’s so wrong with just plain black coffee? Back in my day, we didn’t have any of these fancy coffees and we were just fine. This clearly some sort of plot by Starbucks to spread their hippy dippy lifestyle on us. I tell you that is what this world is coming too. Pretty soon, Starbucks is going to be running the whole world. I’m pretty sure Obama is behind this.” Mr. Sandbacher had more to say, but couldn’t because of a sudden tear in his tin foil hat that needed his immediate attention.
Whatever your feelings on the matter, it seems that Starbucks is not backing down from its All Pumpkin Spice All The Time philosophy. If you aren’t a fan of the fall themed flavor, it may be time to look elsewhere to feed your coffee addiction. Or there is always the fate too horrible to imagine, making your own coffee at home. So get used to it. The future is not only orange, it’s Pumpkin Spice.