Trump taxes released, revealing secret history of charitable donation and low salary
Reporters were shocked today as Donald trump stood in front of a packed boardroom and finally gave the people what they were looking for. “Today, I finally buckle to media pressure, and have made my tax returns public for every to see.” A roar of applause went up from the crowd as a slideshow appeared on a screen above the press and a large print document came into view. There was a muffled gasp, and a smile was seen to cross the presidential candidates face.
According to these newly released documents, Donald Trump not only made only roughly 25,000 last year, he has apparently been giving charity regularly every friday since 1975! The extensive documents, chronicaling Trumps seeming meteoric rise to success detail how Trump has actually opted to take a very low personal salary, supplmenting his income with bake sales, side jobs, and fan donations. He has also had a habit of donating used goods, extra money, and even his person clothing to local thrift stores, good wills, and homeless shelters.
“He really fooled us all,” said Mealnie Goodson, a reporter for the Huffington Post. “We never expected him to be such a giver!” These newly released records paint a completely different picture of a previously miserly candidate, one that has been secretly bettering the community around him, making everything better for his environment and building a large grassroots base of support.
“He was always there for us in our time of need, ” said an elderly chicano woman with a large family of children behind her. “I don’t know where our family would be without Trumps generosity. He would show up in a large van, gracious Donald, we would call him, and he would just hang out loaves of bread and warm clothing for the little ones. He truly is a great man and he will make this country a better place.”
Wrapping up the press conference, most of the press had been reduced to tears, moved by Trump’s unexpectedly messiah-like actions. Donald just stood there humbly, fielding simple questions and shaking his head. “Let the record show that I was only out to help this country,” he said, as he departed for his campaign bus. “I hope my past experiences could help make this a great country again.” He waved, then turned towards the bus, stopping to hold the door for his press staff, and helping his campaign manager with her luggage before finally being the last one in the door.