Trump performs suspected ‘Satanic Ritual’ for last minute edge in Presidential Election
The nation was shocked and awed today as presidential front runner Donald
Trump appeared in a leaked video and ripped the still-beating heart out of a small child.
The act, whispered by many to be a sacrifice to the dark lords of American Politics,
had been foretold by many on the Trump campaign staff for some time
previously. “The signs were all there,” said Joseph Mcmatton, Trump’s VP of
dark arts and voter fraud endorsement. Cameras rolled as Donald Trump
whispered dark incantations over a small boy. “This is for America, damn
you all!” yelled a blood-covered Trump as he plunged his heart into the
chest cavity of the small Syrian orphan strapped to the tiny chair in front
of him. The reporters let out an audible gasp, and then quivering heart was
held aloft for all to see. Trump howled in what can only be described as an
animalistic rage, then proceeded to throw the bloody organ into the
newsmedia. “He really is making American great again.” said Christina
Applegate, a senior correspondent for CNN, as blood droplets splattered the
This marks the first orphan sacrifice by a presidential nominee
since William Taffterson of 1837, who you may recall famously carved up an
Irish Childon the steps of the Governers mansion in Richman Virginia in a
last desperate bid to beat out incumbent John R. Rhodes in the presidential
race. Rhodes, who unfortunately beat him out in the end, said that he was
both shocked and impressed by the mans gumption, courage, and patriotism.
After the ceremony Trump was seen leaving the convention center making an
obscene gesture, and as he got into his gold-plated limo, he was heard to
yell “Take that, Hillary.” Truly, a great man, and a hopeful for america.